Dear Dr. Schiffman,
I am a recent graduate in biology. After several attempts to work in a population genetics molecular biology lab, I realized that there was way too much maths and other difficult concepts and that I would be much better off studying orgasmal biology such as sharks or skates or rays. As you know in these difficult economic times none of the labs doing real science are hiring, but hopefully YOU are!
I am very interested in studying the eating behaviors and tropic connections between hammerheads, mullet, and phytoplankton and would be an asset to you in you research. Maybe I could accompany you to the Galapagos for sampling….
I have wanted to work with sharks ever since I saw West Side Story and can’t think of a better person than you to work with. I have never done any science with marine life, but I am a fast learner. We just measure and weight them right? I can’t swim and get seasick on floating docks, that’ not a problem right? If you’ll cover airfare, I can come out and visit your lab in person.
I couldn’t find your e-mail address so I hope this blog post is an acceptable way to send you an job application, that’s not a problem right?
Eager, poorly-informed applicant