Man of Steel was a thoroughly entertaining superhero movie and a serviceable Superman movie. Fortunately, the last son of Krypton was not the only super-powered being saving the world, as the king of Atlantis was hanging out, cleaning up ol’ Kal-El’s mess.
It has been 98 days since our last Aquaman is Awesome post. We’re due.
Arthur Curry’s presence is first felt near the beginning, while a scruffy Clark is trying his best impression of Jack Kerouac auditioning for Deadliest Catch. Pre-Supes can’t help but hurl himself at a burning oil rig, rescue the roughnecks, and then keep derrick from collapsing on a hapless helicopter. Explosion. We cut to some Kansas flashbacks. Mr. Soupy floats in the water. Pan up and, inexplicably, there’s a couple of humpback whales just chilling, amidst the carnage of a collapsing oil rig, having a casual sing-in. No doubt those whales are having a chat with a rogue Atlantean, swimming somewhere off screen. He’s probably making sure that the Caped Clam Chowder doesn’t ruin his handy work.
Because, obviously, Aquaman was the one who knocked out that oil rig. I said he was saving the world, not saving humanity. That’s Crab Bisque’s gig.
Later on there’s some reference to “Trident” as a codeword. Whatever.
Finally, while Tomato Basil Bisque is smashing up the world engine over the South Pacific, he seems to get a major alley-oop just at the critical moment. Obviously launching himself from the shoulders of the world’s toughest lifeguard. Later, we find French Onion Supe resting peacefully on a small island. No doubt he was carried there by some friendly seahorses.
Somehow, Aquaman managed to be the most interesting hero in a movie that he is not even in. If the rumors of a future Aquaman movie are true, I once again offer my services to Warner Brothers as a marine science advisor. I present, for posterity, my credentials:
- The horrifying physiological and psychological consequences of being Aquaman
- The importance of being Aquaman, or how to save the Atlantean from his briny fate
- Return of the Science of Aquaman: Welcome to the Trench
- Epilogue to the Return of the Science of Aquaman: Costume Palettes at Depth
And, if you want to know what ridiculous wonders a touch of marine science could bring to Hollywood, consider these:
- Five organisms with real super powers that rival their comic book counterparts
- Five more marine organisms that put their superhero counterparts to shame
- The Sex Lives of Spoonworms: 10 marine animals with parasitic, dwarf, and otherwise reduced males
- World’s only giant squid pulls off greatest prank in history
- Watch these giant deep-sea isopods go about their day
Since I have your attention, here’s some practical advice, too:
- Misunderstood Marine Life # 1 – The five biggest myths about Marine Biologists
- How to brew beer in a coffee maker, using only materials commonly found on a modestly sized oceanographic research vessel.
- How to build a canoe from scratch on a graduate student stipend
- Surviving Grad School: What to expect from your stipend
- Surviving Grad School: Credit, why it matters, how to build it, and how to use it
- Surviving Grad School: Credit Cards, Reimbursement, and International Travel
Here’s Aquaman, shaking his fun cooker:
Andrew will be away on his honeymoon for the next month. Consider this his summer linkfest and announcement of short blogging sabbatical. See you all in August!