Skip to content

Southern Fried Science

Over 15 years of ocean science and conservation online

  • Home
  • About SFS
  • Authors
  • Support SFS

Tag: death by house cat

Why do wizards go adventuring ? Or …. you thought that your tenure requirements were tough?!

Posted on February 23, 2017February 23, 2017 By Chris Parsons
Academic life, Popular Culture

Something that has been bothering me for a while, is why do wizards go adventuring?

Source: ClipArtLord.com

Now if you are a big geek like me, you’ll know that practically every adventuring party has a wizard. But these wizards are incredibly unprepared for exploring dungeons and have a shockingly high mortality rate. In the dungeons and dragons* of my youth, a starting wizard had a mere 1 to 4 hit points and was equipped with dagger (or is they were luck a staff). Did these budding Gandalfs get armor? Of course not, they faced ogres and basilisks in the fantasy equivalent of sweat pants.

The statistics of a starting wizard meant that they could easily be killed by a house cat. Also they had just one spell. Cast “light” so that your party could see in a cave, and you were done for the day. If you had the most destructive spell of the first level wizard, you would fire a “magic missile” that always hit, but did a miserable 2 to 5 (1d4+1)  points of damage. So if  jumped by  above mentioned angry house cat, you literally had a 50/50 chance of killing it before it killed you**.

So why do all these highly educated, highly intelligent wizards leave their ivory (or mithril) towers and trudge through cold, dank dungeons with groups of characters that generally make the knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail look like Seal Team 6  in comparison?

Why does every early career academic pursue elusive gold and put their common sense and lives on the line? Why…? To get tenure of course…

Read More “Why do wizards go adventuring ? Or …. you thought that your tenure requirements were tough?!” »

Popular Posts

What Ocean Ramsey does is not shark science or conservation: some brief thoughts on "the Shark Whisperer" documentaryWhat Ocean Ramsey does is not shark science or conservation: some brief thoughts on "the Shark Whisperer" documentaryJuly 2, 2025David Shiffman
I can serve on your graduate thesis committee. Here’s what you can expect of me, and what I expect in return.I can serve on your graduate thesis committee. Here’s what you can expect of me, and what I expect in return.October 16, 2025David Shiffman
The story of the pride flag made from NASA imagery: Bluesky's most-liked imageThe story of the pride flag made from NASA imagery: Bluesky's most-liked imageSeptember 27, 2024David Shiffman
Shark of Darkness: Wrath of Submarine is a fake documentaryShark of Darkness: Wrath of Submarine is a fake documentaryAugust 10, 2014Michelle Jewell
What can the funniest shark memes on the internetz teach us about ocean science and conservation?What can the funniest shark memes on the internetz teach us about ocean science and conservation?November 8, 2013David Shiffman
The Trouble with Teacup PigsThe Trouble with Teacup PigsOctober 14, 2012Andrew Thaler
Nodules, Lost Mines, and Dark Oxygen: A new documentary on deep-sea mining asks important questions about the future of the industry.Nodules, Lost Mines, and Dark Oxygen: A new documentary on deep-sea mining asks important questions about the future of the industry.July 24, 2025Andrew Thaler
"Twitter sucks now and all the cool kids are moving to Bluesky:" Our new survey shows that scientists no longer find Twitter professionally useful or pleasant"Twitter sucks now and all the cool kids are moving to Bluesky:" Our new survey shows that scientists no longer find Twitter professionally useful or pleasantAugust 19, 2025David Shiffman
I turned my woodshop into a personal solar farm.I turned my woodshop into a personal solar farm.June 21, 2021Andrew Thaler
Build a dirt cheap, tough-as-nails field computer in a Pelican caseBuild a dirt cheap, tough-as-nails field computer in a Pelican caseJuly 21, 2015Andrew Thaler
Subscribe to our RSS Feed for updates whenever new articles are published.

We recommend Feedly for RSS management. It's like Google Reader, except it still exists.

Southern Fried Science

  • Home
  • About SFS
  • Authors
  • Support SFS


If you enjoy Southern Fried Science, consider contributing to our Patreon campaign.

Copyright © 2025 Southern Fried Science.

Theme: Oceanly Premium by ScriptsTown