Global Draining

North Carolina’s attempted ban on sea level rise is a boon for Global Draining researchers

Posted on May 31, 2012 by Andrew Thaler

News broke yesterday that NC-20, a lobbying group for coastal development that, among other things, thinks property owners should be allowed to dump chemical waste directly into our watersheds, is sponsoring legislation that would outlaw outlaw sea level rise. Ignoring the fact that you can’t actually sue the ocean, what they’re actually promoting is a law that would prevent the state from using any sea surface model that extrapolates future ocean trends using anything but a linear regression. Essentially, they’re making it illegal for the state to anticipate future changes to the coastline, plan and prepare for potential flooding, or restrict development on transient barrier islands.

The Growing Consensus of Global Draining

Posted on March 21, 2010 by Andrew Thaler

Since my initial post of the new phenomenon of Global Draining, there has been an outpouring of support and a trickle of criticism (mostly stemming from hydrologists in the pockets of Big Flood Insurance). Dr. M of Deep Sea News kicked it of with an advanced mathematical model of the effects of Global Draining. Micheal Bok from the blog, Arthropoda, chimed in with his personal observation of Global Draining. Jeff Ives has been tweeting his thoughts on the big drain over the last month @thejives.

But my detractors have raised valid criticisms. Primarily that my original study covered too short a time frame and was biased to only a small period of the tidal cycle. To remedy these concerns, I have conducted a new study, tracking the draining of the sea over an 8 days period, by measuring the maximum high tide of each day. The results are shocking. Read More

More proof of Global Draining

Posted on February 18, 2010 by Andrew Thaler

Since I discovered the Global Draining phenomenon yesterday, my e-mail and twitter has been flooded with witnesses of similar events all over the country. By fortune and chance, Jeff Priddy documented the earliest stages of Global Draining over three days this weekend. In it, you can see the wetland begin to drain, slow down briefly as the snow melt, and the empty completely. In three days the wetlands were completely dry! Damn you Global Draining!

See the original discovery of the Global Draining trend and ask yourself – can we survive in a world without an ocean?

Posted on February 17, 2010 by Andrew Thaler

Friends, colleagues, I stand before you today with the worst possible news. Earlier today, as I sat watching the sea, I noticed a disturbing trend. While scientists and environmentalists may claim the sea level is rising, I watched with my own eyes as the sea retreated.

The data are irrefutable, we have entered into a downward spiral of Global Draining.

Data from February 17, 2010

There can be no doubt, the sea level is falling. At this rate the entire ocean will be completely empty by 2026. That’s just 16 years. In that time the size of the ocean will shrink, there will be a mass migration of beach-combers further offshore. Coastal property will have to be rezoned as inshore. Once global draining reaches the continental shelf, a huge cliff will emerge from the sea. Soon we will be able to go mountain climbing in Challenger Deep.

We must find the hole and put a cork in it before it’s too late!

~Southern Fried Scientist